Monday, September 17, 2007

Football Saturday Down South

"Nobody knows anything."
William Goldman, Adventures in the Screen Trade

Long ago, I used to write the occasional newspaper piece for the Oxford Town
. This blog is similar, in that I'm not getting paid for it either; the main difference is that at least I can spell my own name correctly.

If some opinion here bothers you, please just ignore it; I promise I don't know anything.


Then again, you probably don't either, you just haven't realized it yet.;)

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Well, it's that time of year again, time for otherwise normal, well-adjusted people to begin losing their collective minds as they place their (vicarious) self-worth in the hands of hundreds of 18-22 year olds across the country...

Yep, it's Football Time down South, where even the artists, writers, and musicians are all genuine nut-bags about SEC Football, so let the chest-thumping and/or wailing and gnashing of teeth commence.

It was great to see Mississippi State's win on the plains of Auburn, whose bill appears to have finally come due for the Bobby Lowder/Tommy Tuberville/Bobby Petrino debacle 4 years ago. Nothing like trying to (unsuccessfully) replace your coach behind his back in a clandestine, midnight plane ride to screw up his recruiting class. For the first time in recent memory, Auburn didn't seem to have their traditional group of really big, really fast superman...er, linebackers patrolling the middle of their defense able to destroy opposing players in a single bound. In a word, they looked human.

And it couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of condescending reporters. Don't know if Mississippi folks read the Alabama sports writers (available at www.al.com), but from headlines like "Auburn hopes for return to normal against Miss. St." to the constantly sour musings of noted windbag Paul Finebaum...

(you can read his MSU/AU preview at http://www.al.com/press-register/stories/index.ssf?/base/sports/
118984802867170.xml&coll=3)

...it seems the Alabama press are collectively choking on a big pile of reality today. Excerpts from PF's last mewling...

"What if Mississippi State beats the Tigers today? Well, if that happens -- and I find it highly unlikely..."

"It may get better today with a victory over lowly Mississippi State. However, it's not likely to go away anytime soon. And that might be the most depressing aspect of this season for Auburn fans."

If there's anything more depressing than ol' bald Paul himself, I don't ever want to know about it. No other writer in the country so constantly epitomizes all that's wrong with the "narrow-minded, preaching-to-the-choir, running down your neighbors to make your readers feel okay about living in a double-wide while never ever ever admitting when your holier-than-thou opinions are dead wrong" school of sportswriting as this dung-filled putz. Somebody should have given this guy an enema full of humanity a long time ago.

EDIT: Upon further reflection, I must apologize to dung-filled putzes everywhere. There was no need to randomly or needlessly sully any of your good names or reputations by association. I humbly beg your forgiveness.

More importantly, maybe this will take some of the heat off Sly Croom. Many of my MSU friends have been critical of Croom's tendency (in their opinion) of not accepting blame for certain problems, blaming everything on Jackie Sherrill, and occasionally throwing his players under the bus following poor performances. Personally, I've always thought he sounded like a teacher that knew what he's doing, but what do I know? I do think it's obvious that MSU is making real progress, even if it's not as fast as the Maroon Nation would like to see. All I know is that in Saturday's game, Mississippi State looked like a bunch of men laying the wood to a team that had held them scoreless for 2 years, maybe the folks in Starkville should enjoy it and lay off Sly for a while. If State keeps this up, they might actually enjoy the Egg Bowl this year.

Is Auburn down? Is MSU up? Is Tuberville really in trouble? Can Sly keep it going? That's the beauty of college sports, it's one of the few places where real drama plays itself out for our entertainment and edification.

And speaking of drama, that puckering sound you may have heard on Saturday was coming from the collective sphincters of every other SEC Western Division coaching staff following Alabama's crazy win over Arkansas and runDMc (Darren McFadden, who is a true freak). The rest of the division has been fortunate that Alabama's bass-ackwards internal workings have kept mediocre coaches in place ever since they ran off Gene Stallings (after he had the nerve to only win one National Championship). But if anyone doubts that Nick Saban will be successful in Tuscaloosa, they need to put the crack pipe down. The only question is: In a land where folks demand, expect, and consider it their God-given birthright to win every single game 58-0, how long will it be before the the notorious Bama "Boosters" (some of whom act like they're direct genetic descendants of the Bear) start messin' with the savior?

I've always thought that (one of) the main problems with folks from Alabama is that they're so obsessed with Alabama/Auburn that they can't focus on real problems like poverty, ignorance and illiteracy, whereas (one of) the main problems with folks from Mississippi is they don't think they're enough like the folks in Alabama.

Here in Oxford, it seems Ole Miss is officially the worst team in the SEC. Ouch. For several years now, Ole Miss, Miss. St., Vanderbilt and Kentucky have been involved in a kind of musical-chairs "yeah, we're not so great but what about those other three" dance, but following MSU's solid road win at Auburn, Kentucky's victory over the over-hyped, faux-national power Louisville, and Vanderbilt's convincingly solid win over the Rebels, there really is no room for debate or doubt. The Rebels are flat on their collective backs, looking up at everybody else. Rebel posters on the internets seem to be divided between those still blaming David Cutcliffe for everything and those crabbing about hiring an unproven D-line coach who's a supposed recruiting guru. The truth is probably somewhere in-between, and will be the subject of an upcoming post here, but right now, progress seems excruciatingly slow. Most Rebel fans (and Bulldog fans, for that matter) are at least practical enough to realize that being a consistent, year-in, year-out top-10 team is unrealistic; right now, they just want to be competitive in the SEC. For me, that translates into watching young men that are well-coached, that know and execute their assignments, and play with passion (i.e., HIT SOMEBODY, DAMMIT!!!) I like Coach O, I think it's clear he does have a perceptive eye for talent, and I admire his passion, but I'm not sure it's being translated onto the field consistently. Consistency is the key, and it seems that's what Ole Miss lacks right now.

That, and somebody to replace Patrick Willis.

My lawyer thinks Coach O is like the assistant coach in the very funny movie "Necessary Roughness" (played brilliantly by Robert Loggia) who tries to be something he's not while subbing for the ailing head coach, wearing a tie and acting all presentable and "Head Coach-y" instead of being the raving maniac he really is, who finally rips his suit off and screams at his team to "go out there, rip off their heads and..."

Well, you know the quote, you get the idea.

Of course, it's nothing a win over the visiting Florida Gators next week wouldn't solve.

Any bets?

Unfortunately, Ron Zook won't be coaching this year's Gators, and Vaught-Hemmingway could be the site of a massacre of historic proportions this weekend. Tim Tebow could well run for 200 yds. and pass for 300...

Unless the Rebels show up and play like men, of course.

Stranger things have happened, and no one can deny it's been a really weird year already.

Appy State anyone?